The two most important days of a person’s life are the day she was born and the day she learns why.
This year I share my Evolution through life. One that leads me from material abundant life to the exact abundance that God promised me. Many who know me know that material things mean very little to me. I’ll walk away from a house, a job, a relationship in a heartbeat and think nothing of it. What I take away when I walk away is God’s promise to never leave me nor forsake me.
I have a burning desire to write down my developments thus far this new year before I lose the ability to capture the essence of just how God is orchestrating my reentry into the lives of people who were distant to me in my youth. I subconsciously kept them at a distance because I had no confidence nor direction in life. Needless to say, I felt I had no possible hope of building a lifelong relationship with any of them because of the dysfunction of my childhood.
I have spent three decades actively pursuing relationships with family members who were part and parcel of my dysfunction. In my diluted fog of justification for this quest that was detrimental to both my relationships with my children and my finances, I thought I couldn’t have a fulfilling life unless my relationships with these people were solid. I was under the misguided notion that that was what my mother, the person in my life even after death I still strove to please, would have wanted.
In reality, what my mother would want for me is merely a life fulfilled.
What does a life fulfilled mean for Charlette?
Does it mean holding on for dear life to a past that has reminded me fiercely that it is just that!?
Does it mean wanting to change the minds of people whose minds were made up a long time ago concerning their perceptions of me?
Does it mean trashing the hurt, purging the pain that was a farce of a marriage?
What does a life fulfilled look like for Charlette?
I got a glimpse of it when I taught for ADEC. Upon arriving at the airport in Abu Dhabi, I stated that I was good. I left behind all apprehension and inhibition when I boarded the plane in Houston. I wanted to experience and behold all there was there for me. I was fully engaged in my life. I went, I saw, I conquered all that held me back Stateside.
I welcomed the critiques, considered and made adjustments in response to criticisms good or bad. I became emboldened about opportunities to embrace my gifts. But most importantly, I took advantage of the many ways to celebrate life and give loved ones their flowers.
I invested in my friendships and let them know what they meant to me. I relished in the fact that my friends accepted who I was as a person as I presently was, and eagerly fed into the person I was evolving into. They took that three year ride with me. Thank you.
So, what does life fulfilled look like for Charlette post enlightenment!?
Through the lenses looking left, my past is my foundation but not my current infatuation. I allowed people’s perceptions and opinions of me dictate how I felt about me. Destructive when you’re trying to move forward and build an emotional and financial base with your immediate family.
Just like an employer scanning a CV to briefly assess your potential to contribute to the company going forward, but then basing the final decision on the face-to-face to see how that past has shaped your present outlook and how you see yourself going forward.
I scanned my past. I’ve assessed it and set it to the side fully realizing it is just that, the past.
Lenses looking straight ahead, I see face-to-face the me that God would have me to be. I love it! I recall telling friends many times that I love hearing myself talk, because when God is having His way with me, I don’t always know what they’re about to hear. So when you’re laughing with me, I’m laughing too because most of the time what comes out is unexpected for me as well.
Living life full on is liberating to say the least.
If you love someone, tell them.
If you’re upset with someone, tell them.
If it’s a toxic situation caused by being in the presence of certain people, excuse yourself and stay healthy.
The direction I lacked as a youth is mapped out for me through His Word, not through chasing after the approval of those who don’t matter.
Checking the lenses to the right, concerning personal shortcomings brought to the light, accepting my grasp wasn’t airtight. I now see that I had no confidence in my marriage. My marriage was what it was, because with a closed off heart to protect my very core, I couldn’t invest. I transferred 100% of the blame and put that charade to rest. I forgive me.
Today going forward, with a future bright before me, my confidence in it is inextricably linked to my hope.
“My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness…”
Life is good and I’m seeking to have the life meant for me.
As we go through 2016, what does life fulfilled look like for you?