My mom posing before the Mav vs Thunder Game 1. Her mother’s day gift.

This past weekend I went to the funeral of one of my friend’s mother. Everyone who spoke about her life all had a common theme. She was unselfishly giving herself to help the people she knew and people she didn’t know. My friend told me she didn’t know her mother did a lot of the things she was told. She also told me that her mother had faults but she taught her well. I know that for a fact. Or we wouldn’t be friends, lol. I told my friend that all people have faults but some people choose to do better with their lives. So this got me to thinking of 3 lessons I have learned from my own mothers life.

My mother taught me more with her actions and experiences than with her actual words.

My mother was raised in an era where she had to marry not just for a family but for “financial security” as well. Well I learned that a man is not as secure as we once thought. I was aware at an early age that I did not want to depend on anyone to give me money or take the money I earned to pay “their” bills. I know, selfish right? Well you’re wrong. I wanted control of my finances and how I would spend the money I made. Just like you do. So at 27, I’m unmarried and love my life. I don’t have anyone to ask how or when I can spend my money. If a man comes into my life, he will have to understand that I love my financial independence and only with him for love. Not money. Are there any men out there like this? If so, please let me know. Thanks. My mother’s marriage taught me that the only person I should ever completely depend on is God. Never man for more reasons than financial security.

My mother was also told her whole life to get a “stable job” so she would not have any money problems. Well she has a BS in Accounting and MA in TESOL. And her “stable job” as a teacher is not as stable as people thought. Trust me, I used to be a teacher and not anymore. Long story for another post. Watching my mother toil away working 2 “stable jobs” at a time just so my sister, brother and I could eat and have things made me sick. I knew from age 12, I wanted to work for myself. I thought I would make more money and be able to take care of my family. Part of that is true. But seeing how tired she was and later in life learning how she made more money for her job than herself, really propelled me to strategically plan steps to be my own boss. It took longer than I wanted but I’m here now. If you don’t know what I do, read here. My mother’s “stable jobs” taught me that the only thing stable in a career is your determination and drive to make whatever you do successful.

The last lesson (she taught me more but I want to keep it focused on the main lessons) my mother taught me was to love. My mother unselfishly would give her time, money, resources and open our house to family and friends as well as strangers (not our house but the other things) all the time. Most often, those same people she helped would dismiss and disrespect the act of love she gave to them. That pissed me off for years. How could my mother always give to “family” who would later turn their back on her when she needed them most? But seeing my mother give unselfishly to help others taught me that life is about serving others in some capacity. We all have different purposes but all purposes are here to help other people. My mother’s acts of love taught me that the people who appreciate me, I need to put more effort into building those relationships. The people who disrespect (family included) me will get my civility and that’s it. She taught me better but I choose to not waste time with people who only want to be around me when they need something. Those people are annoying and exhausting. The acts of love my mother showed throughout my life only confirmed that healthy relationships are important. And I should cherish the relationships I have with people who truly love me.

The lessons my mother taught me propelled me to be the strong, independent woman I am today. I choose not to be upset that I don’t have the “ideal” life. I am more excited that I have a future with endless possibilities and surprises. And for that, I thank my mother for teaching me that I must create my own opportunities. I should never wait for them to appear. She knows. She had to get out of the mentality that was taught to her.

I love my mother for teaching me to stand on my own two feet and not depend on others to do for me what I can do for myself.