I think I can change my mind, my life, my wants and desires. Maybe I can.
“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Ph.4:13 NIV
The only antiques I personally like are pictures. Old houses, furniture, cars or machines hold no fascination for me whatsoever. I can appreciate listening when others are fawning over them because that is what they like. As I’m listening, I’m thinking, why? Why don’t antiques move me? Why do I dismiss the conversation about them immediately? The affirmation is again confirmed, I don’t want any of that for me. All reminders of unhappy episodes of my life.
Family and friends love to pull out pictures at any and all get- togethers. That’s alright by me because taking pictures and looking at pictures do hold my attention. Old pictures evoke hilarious comments from people. While looking at pictures from our college days, one friend commented that she could never get that day back! We all laughed and moved on to the next photo. I cataloged that response though.
My silence gave tacit approval to her suggestion that we can’t ever get that day back, I wanted to. Just as reluctant as I am to have old things around me, I am just as reluctant to dwell on the past too long. Considering that that day brought much happiness to us all, I would like to get the happiness of the day back. I may never look like that again, but I certainly can enjoy life like that again.
When life happens, shattering our sense of self, our self confidence, we tend to adopt an attitude of undeserving. We want to leave it all behind, but we continue to drag that hiccup with us everywhere we go. We’re dragging it in our minds. We may not physically be in that locale anymore, dong that job anymore or with that person anymore, but we remind ourselves continuously that we used to be happy before that.
Finding ways to cloud the feeling doesn’t erase it. Recognizing it as what made you happy then, and taking inventory of what makes you happy now can put the positive endorphins back in your mind. I can’t get that day back so I enjoy the day I do have. I don’t measure it by how much fun I had then. Instead realize that I have control of my happiness now. Everyday I can decide to make it great. I may even purchase an antique.
I want the happiness of that day back. I deserve that happiness. It’s not a contingency, it is a reality. It’s not a maybe, it’s yes, I can!