Bucket List, covered!
To-do list, done!
I covered it is usually a good thing. Excuses or guilt in life give us cover when nerves prevent us from making the hard choices to change our situations. If I don’t do it, then who will? That’s always an acceptable reason to continue in insanity to the one who is continuing the insanity. Have you ever considered that the reason you’re the only one covering it is because it doesn’t need to be covered? Doing something different is a very hard choice when that something takes you totally out of your comfort zone.
There’s a sinking feeling in your stomach when its time to make a huge change in your life that will change your situation for the better. When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired then you’ll make a change. That emotional awareness plays itself out in our physical bodies. That sinking feeling in our stomachs is the physical manifestation of the realization our minds have allowed us to finally accept. We certainly don’t want to look into the mirror and not recognize ourselves.
Having lost the most important person in my life at such a critical time in my life, I compensated by pursuing what I thought was the next best thing to hold onto. As reality began to dawn, I kept telling myself that if I didn’t continue to help my siblings who my mother was constantly helping up until the day she died, then who will help them. Fast forward thirty years, they didn’t need me to cover them. I enabled them and damaged me.
Finding my footing in a job I love is the best cover I can give me. I may not enjoy the politics of the job, but having lived five decades gives me all the tools I need to balance the politics with the love of the work and make it through the workday. My to-do list is summed up in my very description of a great life; live my life and squeeze work in. My job doesn’t define me, relationships do. Relationships on the job, away from the job, at church, family. But as I move forward in life, I lose some and I gain some. Holding on to toxic relationships from times before tragedy offset progress.
I’ve learned that and I’m good with letting go so that I can go on.